Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Four Month Abortionversary

Today marks four months since my abortion. I would be 27 weeks pregnant. 

I think I am going to talk about what I have learned.

I have learned that I am not really good at pulling the trigger on moving forward.  It is like I am sitting in my car, flat tire, spare in the trunk.  And I am too damn lazy to get out, open the trunk, get the jack out, and get to work.  It is not because the view from the car is spectacular or because there are good tunes on the radio.  It is because I am scared to move forward.  I am too focused on the fact that I have a flat tire, and I have forgotten that I can FIX THE FLAT.

These four months have taught  me, more than ever, that I am piss poor at walking the walk that I talk.  Which makes me wonder.... who are you?  YOU!  That person staring back out from the mirror, yes, I am talking to you!  I thought I  knew you, I thought you were this intelligent, strong, caring, ambitious woman.... you have shown me little of this lately.

I have learned that there are many issues I care about in this country/world that I have turned my head to, just kind of accepted.  Lately I am remembering a woman I once knew who was 18 years old and wanted to be a lawyer, fighting for civil rights, especially the rights of women.  I wanted to work for NOW or the ACLU.  And 18 years later, I have found I am a woman who barely pays attention to elections--- national, state, county.  No more of that.  Apathy is not an attractive trait, not something to be proud of.

Today, February 1, is an anniversary for me.  It is the four month mark of when I made a hard decision that I have allowed to define me in ways that I should not have allowed.  Today I change all of that.  No more. 

My name is Angie.  Four months ago, I had an abortion.  I made the right decision, one of the best decisions of my life.  I have never regretted it, not one day.  And I am not ashamed.